If you’re having trouble getting your aging parent to take your advice, you’re not alone.
This study found that both adult children and senior parents themselves found the parents to be stubborn.
According to the study, 77 percent of adult children found their parents to be stubborn in regard to taking their advice about how to handle issues – mostly related to disability of the parent or relationship characteristics. For the parents, 66 percent of them said they believe that they are stubborn, due to their own personalities.
As you can imagine, these statistics result from plenty of conflict in the home – and a major source of that conflict is over children wanting parents to receive help as they age, and the parents refusing it.
At Troy Center for Rehabilitation and Nursing, our staff hears about debates like this regularly. Many of the adult children of prospective residents come to us asking for advice on how they can convince Mom or Dad that a senior living community like ours is the right move for them.
Here are four ways to move forward when dealing with a parent who just won’t listen.
- Pick Your Battles
Do you find that your parent(s) will relent on some issues but take you seriously on others when you force the issue? If you’re meeting resistance, ask yourself whether the matter is worth fighting for or if it’s something that you can give in to.
- Treat Them Like Adults
Parents are used to nurturing and guiding their children. As they age, and especially if they’re struggling with daily activities, the shoe ends up on the other foot. However, it’s important to treat your parents like adults and not stubborn children.
- Walk a Mile in Their Shoes
If your parent is sound of mind, put yourself in their position and try to ascertain their motivation for their actions. They may be trying to lessen the burden on you by saying they do not need assistance, are they trying to hold onto their independence, or could they be suffering from depression due to a recent loss or life event? Sometimes taking a step back and trying to see things from their perspective can provide clarity.
- Lay on the Guilt Trip
A parent or grandparent probably hit you with a guilt trip at some point in your life. Now, it’s your turn. If a loved one isn’t doing something to improve their health or is neglecting a safety issue, express to them that you (and your siblings, kids, etc.) are concerned for them, and taking your advice would give you and your family members peace of mind.
Whatever strategy might work for you, remember to be calm and never lash out at the parent about being stubborn. That will not help your cause
